I was tossing in bed Friday night because I couldn‘t sleep. I kept trying to analyze what was wrong with me. I came to the conclusion that I am sick. Not physically sick, although being overweight is unhealthy, I wouldn’t really consider it a sickness. I mean emotionally, I am sick. I think negatively all the time. Nothing I do is ever good enough. I set goals, I don’t meet them, I’m a lazy ass. I set goals, I stick to them, I didn’t do enough. I make rules for myself, then I break them. I now realize I am setting myself up to fail. I try to think positive. It just doesn’t last. I don’t understand why I do this to myself. I know what I need to do. So why is it so hard? What can I do to stop myself from sabotaging my own happiness?
I honestly believe the first thing I should do is go see my doctor. Between feeling down all the time, anxiety and stress I am driving myself crazy. Do I really want to be prescribed something to make me happy? No. I have my two beautiful children and a smart, handsome, caring husband. Shouldn’t I be happy? Yea, I should, but I’m not. Am I happy with them? Yes. The problem is I am not happy with myself. Its hard to think positively with all this negative energy I seem to have running around. I have all these thoughts running through my head telling me I will never accomplish the things I want. All these thoughts telling me I don’t deserve the things I have.
So I think first I should talk to my doctor and see if she thinks I should take anything for what I can only assume is depression. Second, when I get up every morning, I am going to tell myself these three things:
1. I am a beautiful person, both inside and out.
2. I deserve to be happy.
3. I can accomplish anything I put my mind to.
Hey it can’t hurt right? The only thing I am doing is hurting myself if I don’t give it a try. The third thing I should do is remember to thank God every night for the good things I have in my life. He is, after all, the reason I have all these good things in the first place. And finally, I think I should set up some type of reward system for when I lose a certain amount of weight. For example, A girls night out for some karaoke, or a new outfit. Little incentives that will help me want to meet my goals.
So I only lost one pound this week. Not bad considering I really didn’t try, but I should be trying and to me its unacceptable. I worked out twice, but didn’t exactly eat the best things. I did stay with in my WW points. So I assume that’s why I still lost the pound. This week is going to be a little crazy because I have a bunch of things going on. I want to try to lose 3lbs for this weeks goal. If I can do that, I will be down a total of 25 pounds. So I am going to work out at least three times, make better food choices, drink lots of water, and remind myself of the three things I just told you all. I do deserve to be happy with myself. I just need to keep reminding myself that I deserve it. Everyone deserves to be happy.
