I was tossing in bed Friday night because I couldn‘t sleep. I kept trying to analyze what was wrong with me. I came to the conclusion that I am sick. Not physically sick, although being overweight is unhealthy, I wouldn’t really consider it a sickness. I mean emotionally, I am sick. I think negatively all the time. Nothing I do is ever good enough. I set goals, I don’t meet them, I’m a lazy ass. I set goals, I stick to them, I didn’t do enough. I make rules for myself, then I break them. I now realize I am setting myself up to fail. I try to think positive. It just doesn’t last. I don’t understand why I do this to myself. I know what I need to do. So why is it so hard? What can I do to stop myself from sabotaging my own happiness?
I honestly believe the first thing I should do is go see my doctor. Between feeling down all the time, anxiety and stress I am driving myself crazy. Do I really want to be prescribed something to make me happy? No. I have my two beautiful children and a smart, handsome, caring husband. Shouldn’t I be happy? Yea, I should, but I’m not. Am I happy with them? Yes. The problem is I am not happy with myself. Its hard to think positively with all this negative energy I seem to have running around. I have all these thoughts running through my head telling me I will never accomplish the things I want. All these thoughts telling me I don’t deserve the things I have.
So I think first I should talk to my doctor and see if she thinks I should take anything for what I can only assume is depression. Second, when I get up every morning, I am going to tell myself these three things:
1. I am a beautiful person, both inside and out.
2. I deserve to be happy.
3. I can accomplish anything I put my mind to.
Hey it can’t hurt right? The only thing I am doing is hurting myself if I don’t give it a try. The third thing I should do is remember to thank God every night for the good things I have in my life. He is, after all, the reason I have all these good things in the first place. And finally, I think I should set up some type of reward system for when I lose a certain amount of weight. For example, A girls night out for some karaoke, or a new outfit. Little incentives that will help me want to meet my goals.
So I only lost one pound this week. Not bad considering I really didn’t try, but I should be trying and to me its unacceptable. I worked out twice, but didn’t exactly eat the best things. I did stay with in my WW points. So I assume that’s why I still lost the pound. This week is going to be a little crazy because I have a bunch of things going on. I want to try to lose 3lbs for this weeks goal. If I can do that, I will be down a total of 25 pounds. So I am going to work out at least three times, make better food choices, drink lots of water, and remind myself of the three things I just told you all. I do deserve to be happy with myself. I just need to keep reminding myself that I deserve it. Everyone deserves to be happy.
As soon as you think a negative thought change it to a positive thought. When all your life you thought negative and you start to think positive the negative tries to sneak back in due to the fact you always thought that way. Like I said as soon as you think that way change your thought right away to positive and once you start to do that you will conquer your negative thoughts. You do deserve to love yourself!!!!!
ReplyDeleteLove Mom.
Each day is a new canvas to paint upon. Make sure your picture is full of life and happiness, and at the end of the day you don't look back at it and wish you had painted something different. Between you and every goal that you wish to achieve there is a series of obstacles, and the bigger the goal, the bigger the obstacles!! :)
ReplyDelete~Lauren <3