Yesterday I dared to struggle. Today I dare to win.

Obviously I haven’t been on here to blog in a while. Incase you all haven’t figured out I kind of stopped staying a track and went back to my old ways. I lost 22lbs while I was on weight watchers. I managed to keep 20 of those pounds off, which that in itself is an accomplishment for me. Yet I don’t feel good about it. I was doing good and then I just gave up on myself. Why is it that when it comes to focusing on the things I want or need to do I can’t do it? Yet when it is for my children or my husband I seem to follow through without hesitation? What is so hard about just following through on something for myself?

I need to prioritize my life. To me, my kids will always come first, but I need to throw in some time for me. If I am able to make a schedule for myself around the kids I believe I can sneak some me time in there. For starters, I can stop the sleeping until the kids wake up part. I should wake up at 7:00 every morning (weekends I intend to sleep in a little). Then if the kids are still asleep I should work out, shower, and have breakfast. If The kids are already awake then I will have to move things around. I should also make my lunch the night before when I make my husbands. If I already have a lunch, then I won’t have to look for something to eat, and the choices will be better than something I would just grab out of the fridge.

What I need to do more than anything, is stop giving up. I need to stop feeling disappointed in myself. I have been overweight for far too long. I need to make these changes. Instead of berating myself for little mistakes or slip ups, I should acknowledge the things I am doing right, and just focus on not making the slip up again. I need to accept that it takes time to get to where you want to be. I want to be thin. And not just thin, healthy. After all, aren’t I worth it?

"You Cannot Expect To Achieve New Goals Or Move Beyond Your Present Circumstances Unless You Change.”

Hello Followers.

Its 11:50 on a Friday night and I can’t sleep. So I decided to get a head start on this weeks blog. I wasn’t able to write an entry last week. Last Sunday was Mother’s Day and I spent the day with my family. As for the rest of the week, my son, my husband, and I had a cold all week, so most of my time was spent on taking care of the kids while TJ was at work and then resting when he got home.

So far my plan to stop having soda has gone pretty well. I have only had soda if I was out for the day and needed to get a drink, which was only about 4 times in the last two weeks. That for me is a big change because I used to almost go through a bottle a day. I am proud of myself for not giving in yet and buying a bottle for home, but I also want to stop drinking soda when I am out too. I really enjoy the sparkling waters that I have been buying and think that is a good replacement. I am hoping that eventually I wont even think about drinking soda, like I am right now.

I have started incorporating more vegetables with our dinners. We did have potatoes a few times last week but that was only because I had already bought a bag and do not like to throw out good food. Starting this week I will only buy enough potatoes for 1-2 meals. Other than that I plan on having green beans and broccoli, which I already enjoy eating, and others that I don’t like cauliflower, onions, peppers, mushrooms, cucumbers, zucchini (ehhckk), and possibly spinach (really really ehhckk). I know that I don’t like them now, but I didn’t always like broccoli and now I do. I just need to keep eating them until I like them.

I still need go walking more, I do find that the more I keep taking my antidepressants the more motivation I have to do things. I just am not sure how well walking will go for me if Abby has to walk. She enjoys going in her stroller when I go for a walk with my husband or mom, so I just don’t know if she will cooperate with me or if she will get tired of walking and want me to carry her. I honestly should just suck it up, try it out, and see what happens. I don’t want to have to wait until my husband gets out of work to go for a walk. Sometimes he works late and if I wait for him I won’t get to walk at all. So I guess for now a cranky 4 year old who I may have to carry half of the way home and push Eddie in the stroller, is better than no walk at all.

Portion Control And Healthier Choices

Have you ever looked at the side of a cookie package and checked out the calories and fats on it and thought, “that’s not too bad” only to see that the serving size is two cookies? Is it really worth all those calories and fats? Or if you are using Weight Watchers, all those points? Two cookies equals four points in WW. FOUR! Two little cookies that I could probably eat ten of is four points for TWO. If I actually ate that many, my WW points for the day would be gone! This is where not only portions control comes in, but better snacking choices as well.

Don’t get me wrong, I love a good cookie as much as the next fat chick. But when you are on a dieting “adventure” as I like to call it, you got to make changes. I know for a fact that if I wanted to have a snack right now, that two cookies wouldn’t cut it. I would need to eat more than that to feel satisfied. So what would be a good alternative. Well there is a lot of healthier alternatives. Carrots and celery for example are both zero points on WW. If you really wanted something sweet? Fruit is a good alternative. Most fruits on the WW plan is zero points, and if you really felt like you wanted something extra, you can always try adding two tablespoons of fat free caramel dip or cream cheese fruit dip for only a few points. Having a sliced apple would be a whole lot more filling then two cookies. Not to mention much better for you.

If you really feel like you need to have that cookie. Its ok. I always seem to want that cookie or ice cream or some type of unhealthy snack. I just know that what I want and what I should have are two different things. That cookie will always be there. If I go back to the way I used to eat, I won’t. So while eating some junk food is okay on occasion, eating it everyday may not be such a good idea.

“A Goal Without A Plan Is Just A Wish.”

Sorry I didn’t blog last week followers. I’ll get it over with and tell you now I didn’t lose any weight the last two weeks. I stupidly let myself eat Easter Candy, and more than I should all week. I didn’t gain but I still let myself and my followers down and for that I am sorry. This is a new day and I am letting go of my past mistakes and also making some changes.

One of my first changes is to stop drinking soda. I drink diet soda, but none the less it is not good for you. So the only time I will drink soda is when I am out at a restaurant. I am replacing soda with sparkling water and crystal light iced tea. I should be drinking more water anyway to stay hydrated during the day.

The second thing is I am going to add more non starchy vegetables to my diet. My family does not need to have potatoes with our dinners every night. Instead I will focus on more green veggies even if I don’t like them at first. I will eat more fruits and veggies in general. When I get back home from food shopping I can bag individual portions of celery, carrots, etc so this way there is no excuse like “I don’t feel like cutting the celery up.” or “I don’t have time.”.

The third change is to go walking everyday. Obviously if it is raining this will be hard to do, but with the nice weather coming I should be able to go for a walk with the kids. It will be easier on days I can go walking with someone else so I can put both the kids in a stroller, but if I can’t find anyone to go with me I’ll just let Abby walk. I know with her walking with me I probably won’t able to go walking as long but on those days I will just go walking twice if I have to.

I hope by making these changes and focusing on eating healthy I will continue to lose weight. I know the last couple of weeks I have gone off track but with the help of my anti-depressants and making sure I focus on my goal I believe I can get back in gear. I know making changes to make my life better will take time. But in the end, all the little sacrifices will have been worth it. See you all next week Followers!

Depression Loses Its Power When Fresh Vision Pierces The Darkness

Well I finally got help. On Tuesday I went to my doctors and told her what was going on. After talking to her, she gave me a prescription for antidepressants. Just being able to get all my emotions out and finally get some help made me feel a little better. I started taking it Tuesday night and although I know it hasn’t kicked in yet I feel a little happier. Maybe its just because I know I am finally doing what I need to do for myself.

The doctor told me to start taking half of the pill for the first week and then after that to take a whole one. The first couple of days she said it was possible to feel nauseous and get headaches, but I haven’t had either things happen. It will take about 4-6 weeks to start working but I am sure it will be worth the wait.

This week I lost the 3lbs I gained, so I am happy with that. I drank lots of water and worked out 3 times, although my husband had to push me to do it. Today my husband and I took the kids out for a nice walk and it felt great to go walking together as a family. I was hoping it would continue to stay nice out so we can go out again, but it looks like its calling for rain, possibly a little tonight, and then on Tuesday and Wednesday. So unless it changes I will have to work out inside the next couple of days. I am going to work out everyday, even if I have to push myself. I can do this. I just have to keep reminding myself I can. See you all next week followers!

How Did I Get Here: Postpartum Depression

The winter after I graduated high school I met my husband. He was amazing and I knew he was the one right away. On the weekends he would come over and we would go out to the movies or bowling, or mini golf. Then we would go out to dinner. He would take us out to eat, all weekend, every weekend. Eating out with him every weekend helped me gain 25lbs in just a year. A year and a half from the time we started dating I was 250lbs and to my surprise pregnant. My husband proposed, and we found a nice little apartment to raise our baby. Knowing that I was pregnant I started eating healthy for the baby, and I managed to only gain 30 lbs, which is how much the doctor said I should gain.

My beautiful daughter, Abagail was born on December 15, 2006. Of those 30lbs she was only 7 lbs 11 ounces. Minus the placenta and all that fun stuff, I still had to lose about 20lbs to get back to my original weight. I managed to lose 15 lbs. Then the post partum depression started. I would cry watching TV shows, movies, even some commercials. I also began eating junk food again. I would go to the supermarket just to get myself something to snack on. I would get chips and salsa or ice cream, and finish the whole thing so that I could throw it away before my fiancé got home and he wouldn’t know how much I ate.

Six weeks later I went back to work, and I thought that maybe that would help. I found myself stopping on the way in to get breakfast at Burger King and pulling into another parking lot so no one could see me eat it. After a couple of weeks when I would pull up to the drive thru the lady knew what I wanted before I even started ordering. Looking back on it now, I wish I would have just gotten some help. If I had told the doctor then how I felt, maybe I wouldn’t be as fat as I am today.

It is embarrassing for me to tell you all this. Part of me thinks I should keep this to myself, especially now a days when they world is full of cruel and judgmental people. But this blog is not for them. This is for the people out there that are going through what I went through, what I’m still going through. For the people that this blog might actually help. More importantly, this blog is for myself.

Thank you followers, for caring enough to read this blog and support me when I need it the most. I promise you I won’t end my journey when it has barely just begun.

How Feeling Happy Is Pushing Me To Change

Saturday was probably one of the best days I have had in a long time. It didn’t start that way. I woke up stressed and tired. I helped my husband get the kids ready to go to their grandmothers house and then when they left I wanted to just jump right back into bed. But I had errands to run and things to do. After running to the bank and getting my eyebrows done I went to my moms. My mom was having a Reiki Session Party at her house and she said she would pay for it if I wanted to have one. I didn’t know if it would work but I kept an open mind to it.

For those of you who do not know what Reiki is, “Reiki is a Japanese technique for stress reduction and relaxation that also promotes healing. It is administered by "laying on hands" and is based on the idea that "life force energy" flows through all things. If one's "life force energy" is low or blocked, then we are more susceptible to illness and stress. When the “life force energy” is high and flowing properly, we are able to enjoy health and general well being.

Now back to what happened. My Reiki session was given by Tammy Murray Cousins (www.tammymurraycousins.com) and I have to say it was awesome. I had a Thirty minute session and I came out feeling great. I felt happy and care free. For once my stress was I don’t even know how to describe it……gone? I wasn’t worried about bills or the constant bull shit I deal with day to day, I knew it was still there in my life, but it didn‘t overwhelm me like it normally does. I was just HAPPY. I was smiling not only on the outside but on the inside as well. I could feel it, my husband could see it. My husband who doesn’t believe in much of anything now wants one after seeing how happy it made me. I felt like I was full of energy, like I was alive again!

Unfortunately in my case it didn’t last long. (For people who have severe depression or anxiety it can last for a couple days, but for people who don‘t it can last for weeks), Later on Sunday evening I was back to being depressed, not as badly as before, but I could feel the sadness again. I started crying. I really don’t want to be like this anymore. After feeling how great I felt Saturday, I never want to feel like this again. So I finally called my doctor, and I have an appointment tomorrow. I hope that this will bring me one step closer to finally feeling happy. I have everything I want in life, the family I have always wanted to have. Maybe soon I will finally be able to enjoy it.

For those of you wondering about my weight loss for the week. Well I didn’t lose anything. I gained three pounds. I ate a lot of junk during the week. Which is obviously why I gained, that and the lack of exercise didn’t help either. I am going to try to fix that this week and work out everyday, even if its just for twenty minutes. My fridge is stocked with fruits and veggies and that’s what I want to focus on eating more of. I would like to at least lose the 3lbs I gained. Well here goes nothing. See you next week followers.

Attitude: It Is Our Best Friend Or Our Worst Enemy

This week was a busy week for me. I had a lot going on and was pretty stressed out. My son Eddie had surgery on Thursday and I was worrying about that most of the week. It was very minor and I knew that nothing bad could really happen, but regardless I was still nervous. He did really well and seems like he is in little to no pain. This week I tried to keep telling myself the things I mentioned in the last blog entry, but I forgot to say them a couple of times. I really have to try to say them every morning so maybe then I can actually start believing them and believing in myself. It really seems hard for me to stay positive lately and I want that to change.

This week I made a recipe for potato salad that was pretty good. I usually don’t like potato salad but I really enjoyed this one. We also tried an awesome baked onion ring recipe that was to die for and a chicken piccata recipe the was really yummy. I am also looking forward to trying more recipes like roasted broccoli with smashed garlic, Baked garlic lemon tilapia, and a lighter chicken salad.

I lost 2lbs this week. My goal was to lose 3lbs but since I only need to lose 2lbs a week to reach my goal for 80lbs by the end of December that is not too bad. I think from now on my goal will be to lose 2lbs every week, this way anything over that is just a bonus to me. I only worked out twice this week. I am going to focus on working out a little bit everyday. They say you should do thirty minutes of some type of cardio workout a day to stay heart-healthy. I am going try to do a little everyday from now on. If I keep adding more and more each day then it should get easier and easier and then I can eventually increase my workout and make them more intense.

I know this is going to take a while and sometimes I am going to want to give up, but I also know how badly I want this. The only person that can keep me from reaching my goal is me. I have to remind myself. “It’s not who you think you are that holds you back; it’s who you think you’re not.”

"What Consumes Your Mind Controls Your Life"

I was tossing in bed Friday night because I couldn‘t sleep. I kept trying to analyze what was wrong with me. I came to the conclusion that I am sick. Not physically sick, although being overweight is unhealthy, I wouldn’t really consider it a sickness. I mean emotionally, I am sick. I think negatively all the time. Nothing I do is ever good enough. I set goals, I don’t meet them, I’m a lazy ass. I set goals, I stick to them, I didn’t do enough. I make rules for myself, then I break them. I now realize I am setting myself up to fail. I try to think positive. It just doesn’t last. I don’t understand why I do this to myself. I know what I need to do. So why is it so hard? What can I do to stop myself from sabotaging my own happiness?

I honestly believe the first thing I should do is go see my doctor. Between feeling down all the time, anxiety and stress I am driving myself crazy. Do I really want to be prescribed something to make me happy? No. I have my two beautiful children and a smart, handsome, caring husband. Shouldn’t I be happy? Yea, I should, but I’m not. Am I happy with them? Yes. The problem is I am not happy with myself. Its hard to think positively with all this negative energy I seem to have running around. I have all these thoughts running through my head telling me I will never accomplish the things I want. All these thoughts telling me I don’t deserve the things I have.

So I think first I should talk to my doctor and see if she thinks I should take anything for what I can only assume is depression. Second, when I get up every morning, I am going to tell myself these three things:

1. I am a beautiful person, both inside and out.

2. I deserve to be happy.

3. I can accomplish anything I put my mind to.

Hey it can’t hurt right? The only thing I am doing is hurting myself if I don’t give it a try. The third thing I should do is remember to thank God every night for the good things I have in my life. He is, after all, the reason I have all these good things in the first place. And finally, I think I should set up some type of reward system for when I lose a certain amount of weight. For example, A girls night out for some karaoke, or a new outfit. Little incentives that will help me want to meet my goals.

So I only lost one pound this week. Not bad considering I really didn’t try, but I should be trying and to me its unacceptable. I worked out twice, but didn’t exactly eat the best things. I did stay with in my WW points. So I assume that’s why I still lost the pound. This week is going to be a little crazy because I have a bunch of things going on. I want to try to lose 3lbs for this weeks goal. If I can do that, I will be down a total of 25 pounds. So I am going to work out at least three times, make better food choices, drink lots of water, and remind myself of the three things I just told you all. I do deserve to be happy with myself. I just need to keep reminding myself that I deserve it. Everyone deserves to be happy.

Another Look Into How I Got Here.......

At an early age I learned to cope with food, and it showed. By fifth grade I was overweight. Although I didn’t really notice it until 6^th grade, when someone felt the need to bring it to my attention. One day I had to walk to the nurses office because I fell and scraped my knee. A kid from my class asked me if I fell, and when I told him yes, he replied, “So that’s what that was, I though we were having an earthquake” . That was the first time I realized I was fat. I was made fun of before, but never for being fat. It made me feel horrible. I remember holding in my tears so he couldn’t see me cry.

In middle school and high school it was pretty much more of the same, being picked on for being fat. Not having lots of friends because I wasn’t “cool” enough and my clothes weren’t from Charlotte Russe, or Abercrombie and Fitch or where ever the cool kids were getting there clothes from back then. Those brands didn’t make my size. I was called fat and ugly, and that’s how I felt. I wore baggy clothes. I was shy and pretty much kept to myself for the most part. I came home and ate my feelings. I was lonely. My close friends had boyfriends and it made me desperate for anyone to like me. I liked anyone I thought could maybe like me. But who could have liked me when I had no confidence and low self esteem?

It’s pretty sad how mean people are to you in high school. They treat others badly to make themselves feel better. One day during my senior year I had asked a boy to go to prom with me. He said yes and I really was excited. Then the next day a girl told me he didn’t really want to go with me, he just felt bad for me. So I decided later that day to tell him I changed my mind I wanted to go alone. I didn’t know if what she told me was true (she could have just been jealous because she didn’t have a date to the prom), but I didn’t want to take the chance of going to the prom with someone who didn’t want to go with me. So I went alone. I enjoyed myself, but I felt bad for being the only one of my friends without a date.

I started off high school in a size 16 and graduated in a size 20. Between the stress and pressures of school, the bullying, and the overwhelming depression I felt, and the only way I knew how to make myself feel better, its no wonder why I got so big. The really sad part is, I look back at pictures of myself in high school, and wish I still looked like that. When you look back at pictures of yourself at 200-220lbs and that looks GOOD to you, that is pretty pathetic. Unfortunately its true. I would be happy to be that weight again, because it would mean I wasn’t as big as I am now. There is only one way to get there, to continue on this adventure. See you all Sunday followers.

If Hunger Is Not The Problem, Then Eating Is Not the Solution

This quote right here describes one of my biggest problems. I have been eating for all the wrong reasons for so long that sometimes I don’t know if I am eating a snack because I am hungry, or because I am bored. I still find myself grabbing a snack when I am upset, even though I stay within my WW points each day. I need to realize what I am doing and change it. Another quote I found this week was : “You will never change your life until you change something you do daily.” Which is exactly what I need to do. I need to replace the unnecessary eating with something else. Whether it be reading a book, or some sort of exercise, or chewing on a piece of gum. If I do all that and I really do feel hungry, then I can have a snack. A healthy one.

I did not reach my goals this week. I only lost 1lb and only worked out twice. I didn’t exercise as much because my husband was working late. I really need to do it when he isn’t here as well. I just enjoy it more when I do it with him but I need to get over it and do it anyway. Even if I have to wake up early before the kids are up and get it done.
Since I did not reach my goal this week I am very determined to reach it this week. My goal is to lose 4lbs. My other weekly goals will be to work out 6 times this week and to make sure I drink enough water. I decided that my goal for the year is to lose another 80lbs. In order to do that I need to lose about two pounds a week at least. If I work hard and eat right I know I can do it.

How Did I Get Here?

Hi Followers,

I have decided to add a mid-weekly section to my blog for when I feel I have some of the answer to this question.

It’s a question I have been pretending I didn’t know the answer to for a long time. How did I get here? Well obviously I ate my way here….but why? Well to start I guess I would say my father got me started, not that I am blaming him for me letting it go so far, but I think it started there. He bought tons of junk food. When I got upset he would give me a snack so that I wouldn’t cry anymore instead of just dealing with the problem. He loved us, but loved it more if we were quiet so he could read his paper and drink his beer. My father loved beer. He woke up every morning and the first thing he would do was open a can of Natural Ice Beer and drink it. He probably went through at least a 12 pack a day. He didn’t take me to my ballet classes or softball while my mom was working second shift which could have helped keep me from eating so much, or at least helped me burn off some of the calories! Although to be honest its probably a good thing he didn’t want to take me and my mom had to cancel them, because who wants someone who’s been drinking to drive them somewhere.

Now don’t get me wrong, I love my father and miss him very much. I still wake up at night sometimes, crying for him, wishing he was still here on this earth with me. I just think that some of this may have steered me in the direction of over eating. Again I am not blaming him for every single pound I gained. I know I am the one who kept eating when I wasn’t hungry, I am the one who stuffed my face to make myself feel better. I am just trying to establish a time line for when I started eating for reasons other then I was hungry. My thinking is that If I talk about all the things that I believe got me to this point in my life, it will in turn help me keep going with my weight loss.

"Failure Is The Opportunity To Begin Again More Intelligently"

Looking at my title for this blog, most would assume that I failed this week. Well, they would assume wrong. This title represents my past failures, and how I am learning from my mistakes and am now taking the right step forward. In the past I gave up easily, I wanted my weight loss to have quick results. To drop the pounds really fast and be done with it. That was the wrong mindset. Most people know it doesn’t work that way, I knew it didn‘t work that way. Wishful thinking I guess. It takes time and effort to lose weight. Things I wasn’t able to commit to before.

Like my blog title states, my past failures are helping me to begin my weight loss adventure more intelligently. That is what I see it as. An adventure. Trying recipes I wouldn’t think to try. Exercising moves I would never think to do. Losing weight and getting healthy and buying smaller sized clothes (well maybe not yet, but eventually).

This week was a good week. I worked out four times this week. We tried Sautéed Chicken with Capers and a healthier Sheppard’s Pie recipe which were very good. I started to post my blog on the Weight Watchers blog website as well. Thanks to my new supporters I was told about a new website www.Skinnytaste.com that is full of yummy new recipes that I can’t wait to try! The same person also suggested making other weekly goals other than losing weight as well, such as drinking more water, or exercising so many times that week. I thought this was a great idea and plan on adding that to my weekly to dos. I also plan on setting restrictions like no eating after 8 p.m.

I acceded my goal this week and lost 4lbs! As of today my total weight loss is 20lbs. When I started Weight watchers I measured my waist, bust, thighs, etc. and I am proud to say I lost 2 inches my waist, 3 inches in my bust, and 3.5 inches in my thighs. My goals for this week are to work out at least three times and to drink more water. My weight loss goal for this week is going to be three pounds again. That’s all for today’s blog. Hope you all come back next week!

An Empty Victory

This week has ended and I am going to be honest and say that I most definitely didn’t do enough. I only exercised once this week. I ate healthy and drank more water but had no motivation at all. If I had any junk food in the house at all, I probably would have eaten it.

Its starting again. Every once in a while I fall in this sort of depression where all I want to do is cry. I feel like I am not good enough. Like I do not deserve the good things I have. I feel like I don’t do enough for my family. Like my kids should have a better mother and my husband should have a better wife. I don’t know why I get this way sometimes. I know after I had Abby I was really depressed. That is how I gained 85lbs. Before going back to work I’d probably go to the store 2-3 times a week get some junk food, come home and eat it. All of it. Then I would cry. I wasn’t ever sure what was wrong with me. I know that some people can get the “baby blues” after you have a baby. I guess that’s what I had. With Eddie that didn’t happen, and I am very thankful for that, but I still randomly get depressed on occasion, and I am not entirely sure why.

Other than feeling that way. I did okay for this week I guess. I lost 3 pounds, so I did reach my goal for the week. It sort of feels like an empty victory since the only thing I did do was eat healthy. At least I did that. I am feeling more like myself today. So my goal again for this week will be to lose 3 more pounds. I know over the next couple of weeks my husband will be working a lot of hours. So I will have to try to push myself to exercise without him here. I know its going to be difficult but I also know I want to lose weight more than anything. Hopefully now that I am feeling better emotionally it will be easier to work out without my husband here. I just need to keep positive and remember why I am doing this. See you all again next week.

“I Am Not Discouraged, Because Every Wrong Attempt Discarded Is Another Step Forward.”

Hi Followers! So obviously you can tell by my title that I didn’t lose my goal. I only lost 1lb this week. Even though I was able to exercise five times this week. I obviously didn’t take into account all the drinking I would end up doing on my birthday weekend. I went out three different nights for my birthday between friends and family and indulged a little more than I intended to. I did lose something even though it wasn’t what I was aiming for. I am not going to let that discourage me. You only turn 25 once and I rarely ever drink. If I hadn’t worked out at much as I did, I probably would not even have lost that pound.

As for the recipes this week, they were all very good. Chicken Marsala, Hamburgers with Oven fries, and Breaded Pork Cutlets to name a few. They were all very tasty, and most of all healthy! I am surprised at how good these Weight Watcher recipes have been. So far every recipe we have tried we would have again. They have twists on existing recipes that make it healthier for you without losing the taste. You would be surprised at what little tweaks you can make to a recipe to make it healthier. For example, I love mashed potatoes but the ones I make are full of butter. When I made WW Parmesan Mashed Potatoes it contains absolutely no butter and tasted better than the mashed potatoes I used to make.

I plan on redeeming myself and achieving or exceeding my goal by my next weigh in. My goal for this week will be 3 lbs again. I also plan on exercising 5 times during the week at least. I feel if I stay on course and exercise as much as I did this past week without any of the indulging, I will exceed my goal. I can’t wait to write to you all next week to tell you how I did!

"Never Trade What You Want The Most For What You Want At The Moment"

Week Two is over! Again another week of awesome recipes! My family and I enjoyed General Tso’s Chicken over white rice, & Southern-style Oven Fried Chicken with parmesan mashed potatoes (our favorites out of all the recipes this week). As usual some recipes did need some modifications but all and all they were delicious!

I didn’t get to exercise as much as I would have liked too. This week was crazy with Abby’s new bed coming in and my husbands work holiday party (yes I know it’s a little late). I was able to do my workout video two times this week, which to me is not really acceptable. I need to make more time for it even if I have to wake up extra early. I would like to do it at least four to five times a week.

I honestly feel that being on Weight Watchers will be the best thing to ever happen to me. After my husband and kids of course! I have been overweight since I was about eleven years old and I was always picked on for it. I didn’t have many friends, I never had a boyfriend. I was quiet and kept to myself only talking to the few close friends I had. I never felt like I was good enough for anyone or anything. I didn’t think I would ever find someone to love me for me regardless of how big I was, and I wasn’t even close to how much I weighed now.

When I met TJ I honestly didn’t think I was going to meet anyone. I was tired of meeting someone and starting to like them when it was obvious they didn’t feel the same. TJ didn’t care about how much I weighed. He thought I was funny, and smart, and pretty. He really cared about me. In the beginning I considered breaking up with him just so he wouldn’t do it first. But I knew if I did that I might regret it. Now here I am +75lbs, 6 years, a wedding, and two kids later. Still together and still in love despite all the weight I gained.

It feels great to have my husband by my side supporting me. He joined weight watchers with me. He eats what I eat, and exercises when I do. He believes I can achieve my goal and will be here every step of the way to help me and push me when I need it. I lost 3lbs this week. I think that’s pretty good for my second week. My goal for this week is to lose at least 3lbs. Hope you check back next Sunday to see if I meet my goal!

"Success means having the courage, the determination, and the will to become the person you believe you were meant to be."

I just finished my first week of Weight Watchers. It feels great to accomplish a small goal, even if it was just for the week. It was easy to stick to a diet that will let you eat the foods you want. Although I did definitely make a lot better choices. The meals we tried were very good, and there is only one I would do differently next time around. My husband even enjoyed them and Abby was asking for more! Can you believe that? My daughter of all people, the fussiest of them all, wanted seconds! Planning the meals out for the week helped me so much. It made everything easier and I look forward to trying the new recipes I have planned for this week.

Since its obvious to all that there is still tons of snow outside and nowhere to walk. I had to exercise inside. Fortunately my Comcast on Demand has and Exercise TV section. I was able to find a walking exercise video (although the lady made you do a lot more than walking!!!) that I thought I could keep up with. Well it was tough at first, I learned the hard way to just do the video at night while both the kids are asleep. I tried to do it the first two days while they were up, Eddie in his exersaucer and Abby right next to me helping me along! Eddie had other ideas and about ten minutes through I had to stop and finish the video later. I must admit it feels good to exercise. When I start doing it to be honest I want to quit halfway through, but I make myself finish and then feel so happy that I did.

I am making myself short and long term goals to concentrate on. Each week I hope to lose a certain amount of weight. Its not going to be an impossible crazy amount and I will try not to be discouraged if I don’t reach my goal that week. For long term goals, that’s easy. In two years from now, I will be in People Magazine’s half their size issue! Or at least look like I belong there!!! Oh and by the way if you wanted to know what I lost…I lost 9 pounds this week!!! So far so good right?

A Commitment to Change

Today is officially my first day on Weight Watchers. The first day is always the easy one. You wake up, you hop on the scale, you feel excited, motivated, ready to start the new better you. It’s keeping up that motivation after a few weeks that has been difficult for me in the past. I got bored easily. Eating the same bland foods over and over. I would give in to my cravings, and end up back at the same size I started, or heavier. My first diet I was 13. I lost almost 25lbs before summer came. Then during that summer, I stopped trying. I gained everything back plus twenty additional pounds. I started high school ashamed of myself, of my size and spent the rest of my high school years hiding behind baggy shirts and dark clothing.

This time it’s going to be different. I don’t want to give up, I wont let myself. Every time I think about giving up I’ll just remember what I am doing it for, and who I am doing it for. I think what will help the most is that with Weight Watchers you can eat what you want, but in moderation. I don’t have to be confined to the same boring, tasteless, unappealing foods. Not only that, but they have over 3,000 recipes on their website alone for me to try out. For example today I made some Buffalo Chicken Fingers so my husband and I could enjoy them for the Super bowl! They were easy to make and tasted good too!

I decided the best thing for me to do would be to plan out our family’s dinners for the week, (and yes they have to eat it too). The recipes I have picked for this week not only sound delicious but seem fairly easy to make. By doing this I hope to not only be prepared for the day, but to enjoy healthy new meals with my family. This is where I am not exactly sure to go with my blog. Should I give you nightly updates and tell you about the dinner recipe we tried for the day with maybe a picture and the recipe in case you want to try it? Or should I just update you every Sunday night with how I am doing and what I lost for the week? I guess we will just see what I decide to do tomorrow.

Thats Why Its Called A DIEt

I never thought I would see myself like this. Almost 25 years old, happily married with two kids, and 345 pounds. I look at myself in the mirror now and don’t even recognize the person in front of me. How did I let myself get this big? How did I not see what was happening to me? What the hell is wrong with me?

Ever since I can remember I have always been overweight. I can recall coming home from school and my father would sit me down in front of the television with a box of Cheez Itz, and a cup of soda and I would almost eat the whole box. I ate for all the wrong reasons. It comforted me when I was sad, it occupied me when I was bored, and made me happier when I was happy. Food was my friend when I didn’t have any. I loved food. Food was my addiction. Food is my addiction. Now I just need to overcome it.

If I don’t do something now, I will DIE. I have two kids who love and rely on me to be there for them. If I don’t do something now, they could grow up without a mother. But its not just about them. I need to do this for myself too. I have been on tons of diets through the years, and have given up on all of them. I have had tons or reasons to lose weight. To stop being picked on, to find love, to look better for my boyfriend, to look good in my wedding dress. They all weren’t good enough for me to follow through. Now I am not just doing it for my family, but for me as well. So that I can run around outside with my kids and not be out of breath within minutes, so I can fit into that “little black dress” I have always dreamed of, and so that 50 years from now I will still be alive.

I will be using the next few days to look at healthier food choices and exercises I can learn to help me lose weight and start a better healthier life. Then starting Sunday I will officially start Weight Watchers. I do NOT intend on giving up this time but thought that blogging about my life and my weight loss where other people can read might help motivate me to keep it up. I look forward to start writing to all of you (if any) again on Sunday, when I will begin my journey for a longer, healthier life.