I never thought I would see myself like this. Almost 25 years old, happily married with two kids, and 345 pounds. I look at myself in the mirror now and don’t even recognize the person in front of me. How did I let myself get this big? How did I not see what was happening to me? What the hell is wrong with me?
Ever since I can remember I have always been overweight. I can recall coming home from school and my father would sit me down in front of the television with a box of Cheez Itz, and a cup of soda and I would almost eat the whole box. I ate for all the wrong reasons. It comforted me when I was sad, it occupied me when I was bored, and made me happier when I was happy. Food was my friend when I didn’t have any. I loved food. Food was my addiction. Food is my addiction. Now I just need to overcome it.
If I don’t do something now, I will DIE. I have two kids who love and rely on me to be there for them. If I don’t do something now, they could grow up without a mother. But its not just about them. I need to do this for myself too. I have been on tons of diets through the years, and have given up on all of them. I have had tons or reasons to lose weight. To stop being picked on, to find love, to look better for my boyfriend, to look good in my wedding dress. They all weren’t good enough for me to follow through. Now I am not just doing it for my family, but for me as well. So that I can run around outside with my kids and not be out of breath within minutes, so I can fit into that “little black dress” I have always dreamed of, and so that 50 years from now I will still be alive.
I will be using the next few days to look at healthier food choices and exercises I can learn to help me lose weight and start a better healthier life. Then starting Sunday I will officially start Weight Watchers. I do NOT intend on giving up this time but thought that blogging about my life and my weight loss where other people can read might help motivate me to keep it up. I look forward to start writing to all of you (if any) again on Sunday, when I will begin my journey for a longer, healthier life.
FYI it took a lot of courage for me to put my real weight on here.
ReplyDeleteAmanda, I'm amazed by your courage. I can relate to many of your struggles and I'm at the same point. Where I'm sick of always giving up on myself either with diets or working out. I need to do this for me, for my own health and my own self esteeme. If you ever need a support person, or someone to share your struggles with just know I'm here... because I know i could use someone.
ReplyDelete- Sharon