Well I finally got help. On Tuesday I went to my doctors and told her what was going on. After talking to her, she gave me a prescription for antidepressants. Just being able to get all my emotions out and finally get some help made me feel a little better. I started taking it Tuesday night and although I know it hasn’t kicked in yet I feel a little happier. Maybe its just because I know I am finally doing what I need to do for myself.
The doctor told me to start taking half of the pill for the first week and then after that to take a whole one. The first couple of days she said it was possible to feel nauseous and get headaches, but I haven’t had either things happen. It will take about 4-6 weeks to start working but I am sure it will be worth the wait.
This week I lost the 3lbs I gained, so I am happy with that. I drank lots of water and worked out 3 times, although my husband had to push me to do it. Today my husband and I took the kids out for a nice walk and it felt great to go walking together as a family. I was hoping it would continue to stay nice out so we can go out again, but it looks like its calling for rain, possibly a little tonight, and then on Tuesday and Wednesday. So unless it changes I will have to work out inside the next couple of days. I am going to work out everyday, even if I have to push myself. I can do this. I just have to keep reminding myself I can. See you all next week followers!
Monday, April 18, 2011
Friday, April 15, 2011
How Did I Get Here: Postpartum Depression
The winter after I graduated high school I met my husband. He was amazing and I knew he was the one right away. On the weekends he would come over and we would go out to the movies or bowling, or mini golf. Then we would go out to dinner. He would take us out to eat, all weekend, every weekend. Eating out with him every weekend helped me gain 25lbs in just a year. A year and a half from the time we started dating I was 250lbs and to my surprise pregnant. My husband proposed, and we found a nice little apartment to raise our baby. Knowing that I was pregnant I started eating healthy for the baby, and I managed to only gain 30 lbs, which is how much the doctor said I should gain.
My beautiful daughter, Abagail was born on December 15, 2006. Of those 30lbs she was only 7 lbs 11 ounces. Minus the placenta and all that fun stuff, I still had to lose about 20lbs to get back to my original weight. I managed to lose 15 lbs. Then the post partum depression started. I would cry watching TV shows, movies, even some commercials. I also began eating junk food again. I would go to the supermarket just to get myself something to snack on. I would get chips and salsa or ice cream, and finish the whole thing so that I could throw it away before my fiancé got home and he wouldn’t know how much I ate.
Six weeks later I went back to work, and I thought that maybe that would help. I found myself stopping on the way in to get breakfast at Burger King and pulling into another parking lot so no one could see me eat it. After a couple of weeks when I would pull up to the drive thru the lady knew what I wanted before I even started ordering. Looking back on it now, I wish I would have just gotten some help. If I had told the doctor then how I felt, maybe I wouldn’t be as fat as I am today.
It is embarrassing for me to tell you all this. Part of me thinks I should keep this to myself, especially now a days when they world is full of cruel and judgmental people. But this blog is not for them. This is for the people out there that are going through what I went through, what I’m still going through. For the people that this blog might actually help. More importantly, this blog is for myself.
Thank you followers, for caring enough to read this blog and support me when I need it the most. I promise you I won’t end my journey when it has barely just begun.
My beautiful daughter, Abagail was born on December 15, 2006. Of those 30lbs she was only 7 lbs 11 ounces. Minus the placenta and all that fun stuff, I still had to lose about 20lbs to get back to my original weight. I managed to lose 15 lbs. Then the post partum depression started. I would cry watching TV shows, movies, even some commercials. I also began eating junk food again. I would go to the supermarket just to get myself something to snack on. I would get chips and salsa or ice cream, and finish the whole thing so that I could throw it away before my fiancé got home and he wouldn’t know how much I ate.
Six weeks later I went back to work, and I thought that maybe that would help. I found myself stopping on the way in to get breakfast at Burger King and pulling into another parking lot so no one could see me eat it. After a couple of weeks when I would pull up to the drive thru the lady knew what I wanted before I even started ordering. Looking back on it now, I wish I would have just gotten some help. If I had told the doctor then how I felt, maybe I wouldn’t be as fat as I am today.
It is embarrassing for me to tell you all this. Part of me thinks I should keep this to myself, especially now a days when they world is full of cruel and judgmental people. But this blog is not for them. This is for the people out there that are going through what I went through, what I’m still going through. For the people that this blog might actually help. More importantly, this blog is for myself.
Thank you followers, for caring enough to read this blog and support me when I need it the most. I promise you I won’t end my journey when it has barely just begun.
Monday, April 11, 2011
How Feeling Happy Is Pushing Me To Change
Saturday was probably one of the best days I have had in a long time. It didn’t start that way. I woke up stressed and tired. I helped my husband get the kids ready to go to their grandmothers house and then when they left I wanted to just jump right back into bed. But I had errands to run and things to do. After running to the bank and getting my eyebrows done I went to my moms. My mom was having a Reiki Session Party at her house and she said she would pay for it if I wanted to have one. I didn’t know if it would work but I kept an open mind to it.
For those of you who do not know what Reiki is, “Reiki is a Japanese technique for stress reduction and relaxation that also promotes healing. It is administered by "laying on hands" and is based on the idea that "life force energy" flows through all things. If one's "life force energy" is low or blocked, then we are more susceptible to illness and stress. When the “life force energy” is high and flowing properly, we are able to enjoy health and general well being.
Now back to what happened. My Reiki session was given by Tammy Murray Cousins (www.tammymurraycousins.com) and I have to say it was awesome. I had a Thirty minute session and I came out feeling great. I felt happy and care free. For once my stress was I don’t even know how to describe it……gone? I wasn’t worried about bills or the constant bull shit I deal with day to day, I knew it was still there in my life, but it didn‘t overwhelm me like it normally does. I was just HAPPY. I was smiling not only on the outside but on the inside as well. I could feel it, my husband could see it. My husband who doesn’t believe in much of anything now wants one after seeing how happy it made me. I felt like I was full of energy, like I was alive again!
Unfortunately in my case it didn’t last long. (For people who have severe depression or anxiety it can last for a couple days, but for people who don‘t it can last for weeks), Later on Sunday evening I was back to being depressed, not as badly as before, but I could feel the sadness again. I started crying. I really don’t want to be like this anymore. After feeling how great I felt Saturday, I never want to feel like this again. So I finally called my doctor, and I have an appointment tomorrow. I hope that this will bring me one step closer to finally feeling happy. I have everything I want in life, the family I have always wanted to have. Maybe soon I will finally be able to enjoy it.
For those of you wondering about my weight loss for the week. Well I didn’t lose anything. I gained three pounds. I ate a lot of junk during the week. Which is obviously why I gained, that and the lack of exercise didn’t help either. I am going to try to fix that this week and work out everyday, even if its just for twenty minutes. My fridge is stocked with fruits and veggies and that’s what I want to focus on eating more of. I would like to at least lose the 3lbs I gained. Well here goes nothing. See you next week followers.
For those of you who do not know what Reiki is, “Reiki is a Japanese technique for stress reduction and relaxation that also promotes healing. It is administered by "laying on hands" and is based on the idea that "life force energy" flows through all things. If one's "life force energy" is low or blocked, then we are more susceptible to illness and stress. When the “life force energy” is high and flowing properly, we are able to enjoy health and general well being.
Now back to what happened. My Reiki session was given by Tammy Murray Cousins (www.tammymurraycousins.com) and I have to say it was awesome. I had a Thirty minute session and I came out feeling great. I felt happy and care free. For once my stress was I don’t even know how to describe it……gone? I wasn’t worried about bills or the constant bull shit I deal with day to day, I knew it was still there in my life, but it didn‘t overwhelm me like it normally does. I was just HAPPY. I was smiling not only on the outside but on the inside as well. I could feel it, my husband could see it. My husband who doesn’t believe in much of anything now wants one after seeing how happy it made me. I felt like I was full of energy, like I was alive again!
Unfortunately in my case it didn’t last long. (For people who have severe depression or anxiety it can last for a couple days, but for people who don‘t it can last for weeks), Later on Sunday evening I was back to being depressed, not as badly as before, but I could feel the sadness again. I started crying. I really don’t want to be like this anymore. After feeling how great I felt Saturday, I never want to feel like this again. So I finally called my doctor, and I have an appointment tomorrow. I hope that this will bring me one step closer to finally feeling happy. I have everything I want in life, the family I have always wanted to have. Maybe soon I will finally be able to enjoy it.
For those of you wondering about my weight loss for the week. Well I didn’t lose anything. I gained three pounds. I ate a lot of junk during the week. Which is obviously why I gained, that and the lack of exercise didn’t help either. I am going to try to fix that this week and work out everyday, even if its just for twenty minutes. My fridge is stocked with fruits and veggies and that’s what I want to focus on eating more of. I would like to at least lose the 3lbs I gained. Well here goes nothing. See you next week followers.
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Attitude: It Is Our Best Friend Or Our Worst Enemy
This week was a busy week for me. I had a lot going on and was pretty stressed out. My son Eddie had surgery on Thursday and I was worrying about that most of the week. It was very minor and I knew that nothing bad could really happen, but regardless I was still nervous. He did really well and seems like he is in little to no pain. This week I tried to keep telling myself the things I mentioned in the last blog entry, but I forgot to say them a couple of times. I really have to try to say them every morning so maybe then I can actually start believing them and believing in myself. It really seems hard for me to stay positive lately and I want that to change.
This week I made a recipe for potato salad that was pretty good. I usually don’t like potato salad but I really enjoyed this one. We also tried an awesome baked onion ring recipe that was to die for and a chicken piccata recipe the was really yummy. I am also looking forward to trying more recipes like roasted broccoli with smashed garlic, Baked garlic lemon tilapia, and a lighter chicken salad.
I lost 2lbs this week. My goal was to lose 3lbs but since I only need to lose 2lbs a week to reach my goal for 80lbs by the end of December that is not too bad. I think from now on my goal will be to lose 2lbs every week, this way anything over that is just a bonus to me. I only worked out twice this week. I am going to focus on working out a little bit everyday. They say you should do thirty minutes of some type of cardio workout a day to stay heart-healthy. I am going try to do a little everyday from now on. If I keep adding more and more each day then it should get easier and easier and then I can eventually increase my workout and make them more intense.
I know this is going to take a while and sometimes I am going to want to give up, but I also know how badly I want this. The only person that can keep me from reaching my goal is me. I have to remind myself. “It’s not who you think you are that holds you back; it’s who you think you’re not.”
This week I made a recipe for potato salad that was pretty good. I usually don’t like potato salad but I really enjoyed this one. We also tried an awesome baked onion ring recipe that was to die for and a chicken piccata recipe the was really yummy. I am also looking forward to trying more recipes like roasted broccoli with smashed garlic, Baked garlic lemon tilapia, and a lighter chicken salad.
I lost 2lbs this week. My goal was to lose 3lbs but since I only need to lose 2lbs a week to reach my goal for 80lbs by the end of December that is not too bad. I think from now on my goal will be to lose 2lbs every week, this way anything over that is just a bonus to me. I only worked out twice this week. I am going to focus on working out a little bit everyday. They say you should do thirty minutes of some type of cardio workout a day to stay heart-healthy. I am going try to do a little everyday from now on. If I keep adding more and more each day then it should get easier and easier and then I can eventually increase my workout and make them more intense.
I know this is going to take a while and sometimes I am going to want to give up, but I also know how badly I want this. The only person that can keep me from reaching my goal is me. I have to remind myself. “It’s not who you think you are that holds you back; it’s who you think you’re not.”
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