How Did I Get Here: Postpartum Depression

The winter after I graduated high school I met my husband. He was amazing and I knew he was the one right away. On the weekends he would come over and we would go out to the movies or bowling, or mini golf. Then we would go out to dinner. He would take us out to eat, all weekend, every weekend. Eating out with him every weekend helped me gain 25lbs in just a year. A year and a half from the time we started dating I was 250lbs and to my surprise pregnant. My husband proposed, and we found a nice little apartment to raise our baby. Knowing that I was pregnant I started eating healthy for the baby, and I managed to only gain 30 lbs, which is how much the doctor said I should gain.

My beautiful daughter, Abagail was born on December 15, 2006. Of those 30lbs she was only 7 lbs 11 ounces. Minus the placenta and all that fun stuff, I still had to lose about 20lbs to get back to my original weight. I managed to lose 15 lbs. Then the post partum depression started. I would cry watching TV shows, movies, even some commercials. I also began eating junk food again. I would go to the supermarket just to get myself something to snack on. I would get chips and salsa or ice cream, and finish the whole thing so that I could throw it away before my fiancé got home and he wouldn’t know how much I ate.

Six weeks later I went back to work, and I thought that maybe that would help. I found myself stopping on the way in to get breakfast at Burger King and pulling into another parking lot so no one could see me eat it. After a couple of weeks when I would pull up to the drive thru the lady knew what I wanted before I even started ordering. Looking back on it now, I wish I would have just gotten some help. If I had told the doctor then how I felt, maybe I wouldn’t be as fat as I am today.

It is embarrassing for me to tell you all this. Part of me thinks I should keep this to myself, especially now a days when they world is full of cruel and judgmental people. But this blog is not for them. This is for the people out there that are going through what I went through, what I’m still going through. For the people that this blog might actually help. More importantly, this blog is for myself.

Thank you followers, for caring enough to read this blog and support me when I need it the most. I promise you I won’t end my journey when it has barely just begun.