Another Look Into How I Got Here.......

At an early age I learned to cope with food, and it showed. By fifth grade I was overweight. Although I didn’t really notice it until 6^th grade, when someone felt the need to bring it to my attention. One day I had to walk to the nurses office because I fell and scraped my knee. A kid from my class asked me if I fell, and when I told him yes, he replied, “So that’s what that was, I though we were having an earthquake” . That was the first time I realized I was fat. I was made fun of before, but never for being fat. It made me feel horrible. I remember holding in my tears so he couldn’t see me cry.

In middle school and high school it was pretty much more of the same, being picked on for being fat. Not having lots of friends because I wasn’t “cool” enough and my clothes weren’t from Charlotte Russe, or Abercrombie and Fitch or where ever the cool kids were getting there clothes from back then. Those brands didn’t make my size. I was called fat and ugly, and that’s how I felt. I wore baggy clothes. I was shy and pretty much kept to myself for the most part. I came home and ate my feelings. I was lonely. My close friends had boyfriends and it made me desperate for anyone to like me. I liked anyone I thought could maybe like me. But who could have liked me when I had no confidence and low self esteem?

It’s pretty sad how mean people are to you in high school. They treat others badly to make themselves feel better. One day during my senior year I had asked a boy to go to prom with me. He said yes and I really was excited. Then the next day a girl told me he didn’t really want to go with me, he just felt bad for me. So I decided later that day to tell him I changed my mind I wanted to go alone. I didn’t know if what she told me was true (she could have just been jealous because she didn’t have a date to the prom), but I didn’t want to take the chance of going to the prom with someone who didn’t want to go with me. So I went alone. I enjoyed myself, but I felt bad for being the only one of my friends without a date.

I started off high school in a size 16 and graduated in a size 20. Between the stress and pressures of school, the bullying, and the overwhelming depression I felt, and the only way I knew how to make myself feel better, its no wonder why I got so big. The really sad part is, I look back at pictures of myself in high school, and wish I still looked like that. When you look back at pictures of yourself at 200-220lbs and that looks GOOD to you, that is pretty pathetic. Unfortunately its true. I would be happy to be that weight again, because it would mean I wasn’t as big as I am now. There is only one way to get there, to continue on this adventure. See you all Sunday followers.