An Empty Victory

This week has ended and I am going to be honest and say that I most definitely didn’t do enough. I only exercised once this week. I ate healthy and drank more water but had no motivation at all. If I had any junk food in the house at all, I probably would have eaten it.

Its starting again. Every once in a while I fall in this sort of depression where all I want to do is cry. I feel like I am not good enough. Like I do not deserve the good things I have. I feel like I don’t do enough for my family. Like my kids should have a better mother and my husband should have a better wife. I don’t know why I get this way sometimes. I know after I had Abby I was really depressed. That is how I gained 85lbs. Before going back to work I’d probably go to the store 2-3 times a week get some junk food, come home and eat it. All of it. Then I would cry. I wasn’t ever sure what was wrong with me. I know that some people can get the “baby blues” after you have a baby. I guess that’s what I had. With Eddie that didn’t happen, and I am very thankful for that, but I still randomly get depressed on occasion, and I am not entirely sure why.

Other than feeling that way. I did okay for this week I guess. I lost 3 pounds, so I did reach my goal for the week. It sort of feels like an empty victory since the only thing I did do was eat healthy. At least I did that. I am feeling more like myself today. So my goal again for this week will be to lose 3 more pounds. I know over the next couple of weeks my husband will be working a lot of hours. So I will have to try to push myself to exercise without him here. I know its going to be difficult but I also know I want to lose weight more than anything. Hopefully now that I am feeling better emotionally it will be easier to work out without my husband here. I just need to keep positive and remember why I am doing this. See you all again next week.